Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts

Would you like a bowl of mud?

Darling says at once, "Yes!" 

He's been around here a while, he knows what's up, hehe. It's going to be some form of not very thrilling chocolate dessert. 

This is GOOD FOR YOU. 

He says, "That's what you do - make dessert taste like dinner." 


But here I sit, eating a bowl of chocolate pudding and I feel happy. 

This is: 

4 c almond milk 

1/4 c coconut sugar 

1/2 c cocoa powder 

1/4 c beef gelatin  

and 1/4 c melted coconut oil 

I mix the powdered gelatin with the dry ingredients then dump into the almond milk, because that's easier than the usual methods. 

Cook it to scalding, then add some vanilla and put it in the fridge a while, and stir occasionally. 

YUM! 

It has more gelatin than strictly needed because I was reading about how good that stuff is for you. 

This is "Life by chocolate"  :-) 

Boat Cookies

How do we make cookies without sugar? or an oven... 
This is almond flour, mashed banana, coconut oil and lemon juice, rolled into blobs and cooked in a frying pan with the lid on. I put another grate on top of the burner for more space and left it on low for a while. 
They came out just fine. The test of a cookie is whether you're trying to resist eating more of them. My cookie itch was scratched. 


I wouldn't normally bake on aluminum foil, but there wasn't any parchment on the boat. Just this once won't kill us.  


The boat is good practice for where I'm going next. There's no fridge, oven, or running water on the boat - although Darling says he'll get the water back on very soon - but there's a source of potable water fifty feet away. Carrying it back in gallon jugs is practice, and washing two hands with a gallon jug in one of them is an art.  
Update as of now: he just said the boat's going to have running water today! 
That's cool, but not necessary. I'll try not to let myself get spoiled. 
The boat has power and cell phone service.  

Where we're going there's no power but solar, no phone but landline, no water but what we haul in, but there'll be an oven! Our trailer will have propane to cook with. Choose your indulgences, hehe. 
It's not exactly the wild woods, although it'll be woodsier and wilder than I've been for a few decades now. 

Another test, oatmeal and raisins without bananas, and I bought some parchment squares:


A few days after giving up sugar the darling stood up after dinner and wanted to know, "What's for dessert? Where's the M&Ms? Where's the Reese's? Where's the Oreos??" 

I said, "Look in the frying pan, there's cookies"  
😇

Chocolate cravings?

I've had quite a journey AFTER losing the 50 lb. I really, really, really didn't want to find that 50 lb again that I had lost (and I knew it was probably only mislaid and wasn't very far away) and yet I definitely needed to eat more after the diet to regain my strength. 

After the strenuous dieting I found my body and spirit surprisingly resistant to any further limitations. It's like I wanted to be free to eat "whatever I want" henceforth. 

I've bounced around from one thing to another since then.  By now I've regained about 6 lb which isn't bad, considering it's been almost a year, and yet that's dire and drastic because it's progress in the wrong direction! 

The latest turning point was just recently when the darling pulled up to the window to order a fancy coffee and asked if I wanted anything. Now, I tell you, my world CHANGED a couple years ago when he ordered me my first fancy anything-- it was a spiced chai with almond milk (I don't get what people see in coffee)-- I took a sip and bells and fireworks went off, it was something like-- "Whoa, this is great! This is delicious! What is this? Oh my goodness, it's amazing" sip "Wow, how did you know about this? This is fantastic, thank you" sip "Oh, Lord have mercy this is wonderful, yummmm" sip, for the next however long it took me to put that away (and that's part of how I ended up 200 lb in the first place haha). 

So. Do I want a spiced chai? Well, do I want a drink that costs six bucks? That would be a nope. Now that the dating's over I don't want a cup of empty calories worse than I need us to save six bucks. 
So I looked up the sugar content, hoping that would help me feel better about missing out. 42 grams of sugar... is that a lot? The Heart Association says to stay under 24 g of sugar a day if you don't want to end up diabetic. 
Or you could have a pumpkin spiced chai for 58 grams! 

Along with my search, Google suggested a video called, "What happens if you stop eating sugar for 30 days?" and we listened to it. 
It was this one, 

That presenter says what I already knew but don't like to hear, that sugar is sugar is sugar. You and your self-righteous, soothing organic maple syrup, coconut sugar, honey, whatever it is, it's all glucose. And white bread and potatoes by the way. It's all the same. 

Darling said, Let's do it! Let's give it up! 

He wasn't really addicted to sugar. That's not his weakness. He can take sugar or leave it. But I am a sugar addict! The first step to getting help is admitting there's a problem, and I lerve sweets. All of my teeth are sweet teeth. 

I am the all or nothing type. Some of the advice pages suggest using moderation rather than going to extremes, but I'm with the personal trainer I found who says that moderation is just not effective with sugar addicts. It's like telling an alcoholic to have only one beer a day. 

The first day without sugar wasn't really without, since Darling had also ordered chocolate chip cookies with his coffee and I had had one. I felt it by evening. The second day I nearly lost my marbles. Turns out (one doesn't notice these things until they go away) I was basically having two servings of chocolate every single day. So I walked in circles and chewed the scenery. 
I said, "I'm gonna kill someone!" and darling says, "Hopefully not me?" 
Nope, because he still looks like meat, and protein isn't what I'm after right now. 

The next day was just as crazy, so was the next and yet I began to feel enthusiasm about breaking the back of this monster. Who wants to be addicted to anything? Who wants a substance to rule one's life? Who wants to be a helpless slave unable to refuse to do what's necessary to obtain said substance? 

I remember as a teenager hearing something about heroin addicts and not having any sympathy. But then I thought that maybe I couldn't be superior about it until I had become addicted to heroin and tried to stop; maybe it wouldn't be as easy as it looks from here. And then I contemplated how my mother railed against sugar and yet we ate it every day. Why don't I try going without that? Then I ate sugar for the next 35 years until now. Well for one thing, if you want to get off heroin stop hanging around the culture. And most people have family who wants the white stuff. It's not so bad if you remove it from the premises completely. And it's lovely if you have a healthy darling who is on the boat with you! 

My emotions are still going up and down on the sugar coaster but it's starting to even out. The ups are natural and are actually HIGHER. It's almost as if by giving up sugar, you become sugar. You get your energy back again.  


Darling says, "What are you eating there? Mud?" 
"Exactly." 
He said, "Well, that's a lot of chocolate, so if that doesn't take care of your chocolate craving then we will know that what you were craving wasn't chocolate." 
HA! 
Thanks for that news flash, Captain Obvious. 

That's a lot of chocolate mixed with some peanut butter. Peanut butter doesn't have sugar. Ground cocoa nibs don't have sugar, neither do rice cakes. The whole thing really gums up the chewing works, and it took a lot of unsweetened peppermint tea to choke that all down. Afterwards I felt full, satisfied, and energetic. 

Breakfast has been oatmeal with chocolate on it, a zero-sugar bowl of nice warm mud. It tastes pretty decent, actually, and is incredibly filling. How about some carrots for lunch? 

I think I can do this! 

Paleo Almond Flour Chocolate Chip Cookies

The second date with my darling, that is, the third day I met him, the fascinating story of how that day unfolded included some paleo almond flour cookies as an important point. Some checkpoint people wanted to take them away from me, but that didn't happen  :-) 

I left some cookies with the darling when I went home, but I was a little embarrassed because they were not very sweet and wouldn't do much for the taste buds of an average person. Later I found out he likes paleo too! 

They were like these, but these are better. 

Just sharing. This recipe is really simple and turns out great every time. 

https://ovenhug.com/paleo-honey-sweetened-almond-y-dark-chocolate-chip-cookies/

Chocolate Peanut Butter Cream Pie






What's actually happening here?

The layers: 
1. Graham crackers and butter
2. Cream cheese, sour cream, peanut butter and coconut sugar
3. Chocolate liqueur with butter and coconut sugar, plus magic (otherwise I can't explain how that turned into the amazing kind of chocolate drizzle that turns crispy when chilled-- every time I've ever TRIED to make it come out like that, it hasn't)
4. Blobs of whipped cream
5. More of 3)

There was no measuring and no cooking. 
Whoooooa but it was amazing. Sometimes everything just comes together. What else can I say.

It's Beginning to Smell a Lot Like

Just because we are not doing Christmas doesn’t mean we can’t get fat on delicious spicy gingerbread cut into nondescript shapes!



Next next to the gingerbread there is homemade Mounds style candy made from coconut flakes mixed with honey and frozen, then dipped in chocolate.

Oatmeal Blob Bars

Pretty basic and don't look like much, but they were exactly what I was going for when I threw things into a bowl-- yet in a way, very surprising! They're heavy and dense with nutrition, as I had planned, but not gooey at all.  The consistency of a chewy oat bar contrasted with the texture of a crispy one.  My mouth was pleasantly confused.
They're only barely sweetened.  Exactly what we'd want to bring along on a hike!



My secondary goal was to use the cheapest ingredients possible-- cheapest as in "least expensive", it's still raw honey, nested eggs, organic flour etc.  I was going for the most nutrition for the least cost. 

Ingredients: 

4 eggs
5 cups oats
1 cup wheat flour
1 cup honey
1/2 cup oil
2 tsp baking soda
2 TBSP vanilla
2 cups raisins

Instructions?
I usually don't, but okay.  "Mix and bake"  :-)

Recipe for Camping Canned Chicken Pot Pie

Four days camping!

I'm happy camping in anything with hard sides. I want STEEL between me and the bears. And lots of pillows. That's all I ask. I'm quite happy just to be in the woods, and exhale, wander around looking at the pretty leaves and stuff, and when it gets dark I want to close the door and lock it.

The van was pretty full with bedding, pillows and kids.  Ten pillows is a necessity.  An ice chest is a luxury I decided to do without. Anyway I didn't think the ice would last for four days.

My idea of camping food is a quick trip through Costco for non-refrigerated comestibles, like cashews, dried blueberries, jerky, those little round nut-and-seed blobs, so delicious, you know the ones.  Food:  *crosses that item off list*

The only problem was there was going to be potluck! What to bring?

A proper church lady must show up with a casserole in a pretty dish!  And not leave it all to the motorhomes and 5th wheels, ice chest or no!

Solution:  canned goods.

Ingredients:


I wouldn't usually buy Campbells Cream of Soup.  Just this once for a good reason.


Crumbled up saltines are indistinguishable once they're mixed into the soup, and the effect is really quite like bits of flaky, golden Marie Callendar's pot pie crust!


When I tested this at home before going camping, the kids loved it and ate the whole batch almost before I could take a picture. 
A week after we got home, they asked if I could make more of that stuff from the campout. 

Success!  :-D 

Homemade Fish and Chips

Happened to be in Walmart when the need for fish and chips became irresistible.

Walmart is a great store, I am not among those who refuse to shop there, rather I APPROVE of Walmart because I find it easier to find Made in USA items there than in any other large store, because they refuse to sell the worst offensive, violent music, and they promote Christian material and gift items with verses.

That being said, it's not the place to find fish fillets with natural ingredients.
Reading the ingredients on Gorton's fish sticks is rather unappetizing, I must say!
But, I was at Walmart when the urge struck...

Walmart had a bag of tilapia loins pre-skinned and individually wrapped!  And they had taters. 


I did those properly, first dipped in flour with salt and pepper, then in egg, then in bread crumbs with seasoning.  
How to make chips?  Well, how hard can it be?  


Best fish 'n' chips EV AR.

And by the way, here's what I bought myself for my birthday this year.



Life and My Homemade Pizza are Amazing

Now, here is an example of provision.  Long ago I had a big pizza stone, but it got left behind. 

A pizza stone doesn't qualify as something we need to spend money on. Actually very few things qualify as that!
But this one was free!  It may be smaller, but it's prettier, and it's free and out here in the freedom to go home with us. 


I did get the pizza peel. That's the huge wooden surface with a handle, for getting the pizza in and out of the oven. 

Making homemade pizza is so fun!
In my case there's a slight overtone of defiance that goes with it.
Everybody knows the ex is horrible, we're used to that. That's why he's the ex.  
Mine, among his more serious offenses, also told me not to make homemade pizza any more, "Because you trash the whole kitchen doing it!"

That wasn't a health and safety issue like the ones I eventually divorced him for, so, fine. No more homemade pizza. 

But how about now? 
Nobody to stop me. 
I'm gonna make homemade pizza!  See?  SEE ME DOING THIS THING?  Nyah, nyah, nyah, I'm making homemade pizza! 
Yeah.  It's like that.


The discount grocery doesn't have organic pizza sauce, so I made my own, with tomato sauce and tomatoes and basil and oregano and garlic and pepper and minced onions sauteed in olive oil first.  Oh, yeah. 


You ought to see the oven.  It doesn't show up in the picture, but there's cornmeal everywhere.  The cornmeal doesn't go in the pizza, it goes on the peel, so it's the first thing your tongue comes in contact with when you take a bite.  Another little detail to makes it taste all authentic and stuff. 
But yeah, I'll have to be cleaning the oven tomorrow.

So WHAT if I get cornmeal on the floor?  I'll clean it up! 


The second pizza can honestly be called round. 


Onions on top of the pizza guarantees that this one's mine-- or so I thought.
Actually that didn't work. The darlings are old enough now that a few onions won't stop them.  I had to hork down some pizza in a hurry before it all vanished. 

Mike said, "This pizza is AMAZING!" 

Washington Grows Em Big



Hey, Adam, check this one out!

New crop organic Fuji apples, 79c.

That’s a BIG apple. It reminds me of my toddler years when I’d bring an apple to my daddy to take a bite out of it for me, or I couldn’t get started. I had to nibble on this monster for a while before I could get a proper bite!

Yield of four apples in a 14″ wok (my mixing bowl!)


Makes two apple crisps.  One is for the church potluck, one for the kids. Guess which is which 🙂


Fasting Improves Cooking

Made it five days this time.
I really LIKE fasting, for maybe-weird personal reasons.  I like using myself as a guinea pig.  I like making changes to see what will happen.  I like new sensations.
Cleaning some junk out of the old system is always good. 

Fasting sharpens the senses.  I notice that fasting upgrades my sense of smell and touch.
I walked by Pizza Hut and the smell was... repulsive.  Because of the fake and nasty ingredients they use! 
I walked along, pondering this.  When we are in a heightened state like this, we can detect the smell of chemicals as being very unattractive.  I'll bet if there was a real pizza, with a handmade crust with fresh ingredients and oregano, and the toppings were higher quality, the smell would be nearly irresistible.
And then about a mile later, I walked past the Pizza Time.  HOO boy, Lord have mercy. 

Fasting improves my cooking skills!
All of a sudden I can think of a hundred different wonderful cheap meal ideas  :-)




This one doesn't look like much, it's just rice cooked in chicken broth, with fried onions and corn, and cheese on top.  Boy did it smell good, though. 
I wanted some. 

Here's where I surprised myself.  Cooked chicken breast then wiped out the pan, cooked corn at the bottom, the sliced chicken breast over that, then some flour and milk mixed together, and a lot of chopped spinach.
I got unsolicited, flowery compliments from all the kids. 
Karen said it was "ultra yummy" 
This is homemade custard style honey ice cream.  Half and half, blackberry honey, eggs and vanilla.
My nose knows what it's smelling here.


The kids had some while it was chilling and some more once it was frozen. And wanted more. 
I told them I may not be your STANDARD mother, but there's no mother on earth is going to let them have ice cream three times in one day!
Dave told me that was my chance to be a really SPECIAL mother! 






Oh, and I was wearing a muumuu  :-)   
The best part of fasting, I couldn't get to this time.  The best part is once the body is totally independent of food, and all of those uncomfortable, obsessive, worried thoughts seem to just float away, and there's just me and life interacting without contamination between.
That part is cool. 

I would love to eventually do one of those epic 40 day fasts, in order to experience something I've never  experienced before, "true hunger."
I'm really curious about that!  A physical sensation I've never felt?
I need to know.

(end of my remarks)  

http://www.allaboutfasting.com/safe-fasting-true-hunger.html

True hunger is a sensation in the mouth and throat, similar to thirst, and not a gnawing pain in the stomach. The way it will get your attention is that comes after many days of experiencing no hunger. Seemingly out of the blue, you'll have an intense desire for food.
When food is taken at this point, it tastes extraordinarily wonderful, a real sensual treat. And the act of eating itself is fulfilling, creating feelings of contentment and pleasure. This is the experience eating is supposed to be.
Having once experienced this "true hunger", you will no longer confuse it with the emotional desire or physical discomfort we usually associate with hunger. Such physical "hunger pains" felt either in the stomach, or as "hunger headaches", are said to actually be withdrawal and detox symptoms from rich foods, chemicals, and stimulants.

http://www.sharecare.com/health/nutrition-diet/what-true-hunger

Most Americans have not felt true hunger since they were toddlers...

If you only ate when truly hungry, it would be almost impossible to become overweight. True hunger is a signal to eat to maintain your muscle mass.

True hunger is not uncomfortable. It does not involve your stomach fluttering or cramping. When you feel it, you know it is a normal reaction that signals a need for food. It makes food taste much better when you eat, and it makes eating much more pleasurable. People are consistently amazed at how good the simplest foods can taste when they are truly hungry.

True hunger requires no special food to satisfy it. It is satisfied by eating almost anything. You can't crave some particular food and call it hunger. A craving by definition is an addictive drive, not something felt by a person who is not an addict. Remember, almost all Americans are addicted to their toxic habits. A disease-causing diet is addicting. A health-supporting diet is not.

How I Lost Twenty Pounds Most Recently


Well, it's of interest to me, and "I'm kind of a big deal on my blog" :-) 

"Most Recently" because, unfortunately, this is trench warfare. I'm fighting over ground that was conquered before, and lost. 

Last time was several years ago, when I was excited about Diet Organizer. That's tracking software that you can enter everything you eat, and it keeps a tally of calories. It's a really cool program, lets you customize and enter your own foods and your own exercises, and it goes on computer, Palm OS or Windows Mobile. 
Diet + software was a WIN for me because I love any excuse to play with a new program! 
I started entering my foods for a while and was astonished to realize that I was regularly taking in 2100 or 2500 calories a day. I got it down to 1500 or 1700 calories a day and lost weight steadily, got to a nice weight and was happy. 

I felt good about my victory, figured I could take it from here and stopped using the program. 

What happened next? BOOM! Gained it all back on.  
Oh sure, it took a while, but left to myself, my eyeball idea of portion size gradually got bigger, my hazy memory of how long ago it was that I'd last eaten gradually got smaller, and there I was again. 

It's natural to expect weight gain in my setup. Living in America where there's yummy food everywhere, isolated in a house out in the woods, it rains a lot, combined with some really bad depression issues! Which I tend to self-medicate with chocolate. It's a disaster waiting to happen and I understand that. 

We're working up to the part I'm cautiously excited about! 
Two things happened recently. 

#1, I had a sin issue that actually started to frighten me. I couldn't let go of a temptation, even when I had decided I WANTED to-- and it got to the point where I obsessed, no longer about the original wrong thought, but about my inability to not obsess! 
I tried the old classic, stop eating. Funny how taking in nothing but water for a week or so improves your whole outlook. 
No, really. It clears the mind. It lightens the spirits. It brightens the eyes. Nothing else really changes, but the garbage flakes off. There's no fireworks, it's rather like waking up, looking around, and brushing all that nightmare nonsense away. It feels really good. 

#2, I got worried about my digestive system. That's another thing I tend to hypochondriac about. I'm falling apart! If my tummy hurts at all, then my colon probably has at least three bricks in it and I have weeks to live. Don't laugh, I worry about this stuff! 

I noticed after the fasting how light and clean I felt, how relaxed my whole innards were, and what a nice feeling that was, and I wondered how I could preserve it at long as possible. I thought maybe I'd try just eating things that were really easy to digest. 

Funny thing is, eating things that are easy to digest is maintainable! 
And even, delightful! 

I also watched a couple of good videos: 

Fat Head, which is the response to Super Size Me. The film maker didn't appreciate the premise of Super Size Me, so he proves you can lose weight and get healthy by eating only McDonald's, but using your brain about what you order! He explains how carbs cause fat and how fat and protein gives energy. 

Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead, which is about juicing, which I'm not doing, but it made a lot of good points and was inspirational. 

Food Matters, from which I picked up only the important detail about its being a good idea to drink water first thing in the morning. I don't know why this is important, but I accept that it's doing me good to have water as the first through-put. 

So here's the diet: 

I get up in the morning and fill a quart jar with water, and drink it while sitting in front of my computer. 
(Note to self, be sure to Go before leaving the house. Not long ago I downed four cups of water then my vitamins with carrot juice, then hopped in the car and ran errands for a couple hours without paying any extra attention to where the nearest restroom might be, until suddenly I almost had a Serious Problem.) 

Anyway. The vitamins. DH gives me a huge pile of them twice a day which I am expected to swallow. I'm sure they must be good for me; it's a love / hate relationship. It boils down to swallowing the vitamins being less unfun than listening to him chew on me about it. So I swallow the blasted vitamins with carrot juice. 

And then, either leftover vegetables from last night, cold from the fridge, or nut mix. We get these unsalted, raw pecans, cashews, brazil nuts and raisins and mix them together. It's an awfully pricey product but there's an awful lot of nutrition in it.  
And then brush my teeth. That's another important point. It's good to get in a habit of keeping the teeth clean ALL the time except when eating-- and then brush again. 

I tried Fit For Life once, but I really can't handle eating fruit in the morning. Don't know why. My system just isn't ready for it and fruit doesn't seem appetizing. I like to eat fruit for the next meal. So in the afternoon, I head for the kitchen table, where for lack of anywhere better to put it, all that nice fruit from Costco gets piled. There's no question of amounts. Eat all the fruit you like. 
And then brush. 

From Fit For Life I learned that four o'clock is chocolate time. If despair hits and I can't handle it, I go for the chocolate. Chocolate is actually health food, y'know, if it's dark, especially the beet-sweetened kind like Endangered Species. It's got antioxidants and bioflavenoids and whatever. Chow down without guilt. Or Coconut Secret bars, which are basically coconut wrapped in chocolate wrapped in foil and you pay accordingly, $3 for a little thing, but whatever. They're delightful. 

Dinner is meat and veggies. I get a nice big pile on the plate, but it really doesn't take that much of a nice steak, or chicken sausage, or salmon, to feel like good eating. Cooked carrots, beets, squash, peas, I actually love 'em with salt and butter. I make sure to cook more than necessary so there'll be leftovers to eat cold the next morning. 

I didn't set out to lose weight, I was worried about my mind and guts, and voila, the rest took care of itself.

I feel like I could do this from now on. I have zero desire to eat the bread products. Something made with wheat crosses my lips now and again, it's not forbidden or anything. But I don't miss it. Even cinnamon rolls don't attract me. Yuck, I remember how it feels after eating those things! 
I love the cashews, avocadoes, cooked carrots, they're my favorite so why would I need anything else? 

I'm learning, finally, that if the question crosses my mind, "Should I be eating this?" the answer is No, and then to actually not eat it. If the question crosses my mind, "Is this going to do me any good or not?" That it won't, and to not eat it. I'm doing better at that. 

We'll have to check in later to see if the news is still good but-- that's another mindset I find is gradually changing these days. I'm much less concerned for the future. I'm already old enough to see that the future is HERE, and today is not worth ruining with worries about tomorrow. 

In case you ever wondered what the inside of a Goodwill dressing room looks like. 
No idea where I could ever wear that dress, but I bought it anyway!

Titanium Cookware

This year all the health nuts have titanium cookware. 

eggs and toast cooking in cast iron frying pan 

I did love my cast iron! It's so well seasoned I hardly ever wash it, only wipe with a paper towel. Cast iron makes things taste delicious. Here's a photo of my wonderful breakfast, which I took just for joy of my cast iron pan before I was told I couldn't use it any more. Why can't I use it any more? 

I went to the doctor, for the first time I can remember. I don't really like the whole medical subject, it gives me the creeps. I do the best I can, of course; I watch these videos that tell me what to eat, and I try, because I want to live as long as possible.  But I don't want to know the science and I don't want to hear the bad news. I'd rather continue in happy ignorance as long as possible. 

Thanks be to God, there was no bad news. My test results were all in the middle of normal except for two results that were out of range. I had too much good cholesterol. The doctor shook her head and said, "Well, I guess that means you'll never have a heart attack." And I had too much iron in the blood. 

Cooking with cast iron is good for you because it provides dietary iron, but there can be too much of a good thing (and I have always scraped it very enthusiastically with the spatula while cooking). 

So I didn't resist the titanium thing too much. 

woll nowo titanium pan 2 

MADE IN GERMANY.  For $100 it had better be magnificent, and it is. 

It's not lightweight. It's titanium coating over a base of thick aluminum, and even heavier than the cast iron. For some odd reason I have a mental note of places in movies where people use frypans as weapons. The most notable are Samwise in LOTR, Marian in Raiders of the Lost Ark (that was so cute), and Martin in Grosse Point Blank.  This pan would make a very effective conking instrument!

I've never had a pan that heats up this evenly or is so beautifully non-stick. 

The most surprising thing was when I saw the edges of the eggs waving back and forth-- they had cooked and then lifted away from the pan, and the edges were blowing in the breeze created by the heat coming from beneath them. 

"Well, I never!" 

titanium-pan-cooking-eggs-2

The Saga of Three Crock Pots

Email I wrote to Crock Pot: 

Your crock pot started on fire. It filled the house with smoke and the foot started burning. It must've been a bad wire. My 17 year old whom I had left home alone with the crock pot put the fire out. I am not very happy about this. I thought it was supposed to be okay to leave a crock pot in the kitchen? It had been on low setting for about five hours.

crispy-crock-pot burned black scorch mark on leg

Crock Pot Customer service wrote back:

Dear Janel,
Thank you for contacting Crock-Pot, a brand of Jarden Consumer Solutions. I apologize for any inconvenience you may have experienced with your slow cooker and I would like to help resolve this situation.
We take these issues very seriously here. In this situation there are two options that we would like to offer you. The first being a Customer Incident Report. This can be filed if there was any personal injury or property damage caused by this incident.
If you do not wish to file a Customer Incident Report we would be happy to replace the Crock Pot for you at no charge. Please respond to this email letting us know what option that you are liking to choose, so we can resolve this issue as soon as possible.
Again, I apologize for any inconvenience. We appreciate your business and are happy to help if you have any further questions.
Sincerely,

I wrote: 

Hi, thanks, nobody was hurt, my daughter put the fire out. We would like a new Crock Pot. Can we have one of the kind you can upload your own image?  :-)  
(Which I didn't know existed until I came to the website to complain)
Or the regular kind is fine, just make sure it's the large capacity.  Thanks, I appreciate it.

Crock Pot wrote: 

Thank you for contacting Crock-Pot, a brand of Jarden Consumer Solutions. I apologize for any inconvenience you may have experienced with your scr509 and I would like to help resolve this situation. I will send you a new slow cooker, this will ship in six to eight business days, and arrive by UPS. You will receive an order confirmation, shortly as well as a shipping confirmation when our item leaves our warehouse. Please note that the slow cooker will not carry a warranty. We appreciate your business Janel and are happy to help if you have any further questions.

At that point they mailed me the most basic, cheapo, entry level crock pot they have. 

crock-pot-new-1 Classic

I wrote: 

Hi, I just got the new one by UPS, only it's a 5 quart and the one I had was 6 quart! 
I don't want one that is smaller.  The old one was barely large enough.  I think you should replace the one that burned up with one the same size. 

Crock Pot wrote: 

Thank you for contacting Crock-Pot, a brand of Jarden Consumer Solutions. I am happy to help you.  the model SCR509-A that you had was a 5 quart model.  This is a very comparable slow cooker. We appreciate your business Janel and are happy to help if you have any further questions.

I wrote: 

It wasn't five quarts, it was six quarts.  In case my eyes deceived me I filled it up with water, the new one emptied into the one I had plus an extra quart. 
Five quarts is too small.  I would like a six quart crock pot to replace the one that burned. 

Crock Pot wrote: 

Thank you for contacting Crock-Pot, a brand of Jarden Consumer Solutions. The slow cooker SCR509 is older. We are now measuring in dry quarts, not in liquid quarts. I am sorry for the confusion. We appreciate your business Janel and are happy to help if you have any further questions.

I wrote: 

"Sorry for the confusion?"  And that's it?  Does that mean all of a sudden I'm supposed to shut up and be happy with a Crock Pot smaller than the other one??? 
I think when this unit CAUGHT ON FIRE in my kitchen the least you can do is replace it with one "at least as large" as the one I had! 
If you don't have the same size any more then make it the next size up! 
And you know what else, I want one LIKE the one I had, which was white with a pretty design on it.  I don't want a stainless steel one. 
I just looked at the website and found this: 

http://www.crock-pot.com/Product.aspx?cid=113&pid=1054

That one would be acceptable. 
Are you going to make this right with me or not? 

Crock Pot wrote: 

Thank you for contacting Crock-Pot, a brand of Jarden Consumer Solutions. I would like to apologize for any inconvenience that this has caused you and I would be more than happy to assist you. The original unit that you owned, SCR509, is a 5 quart unit, this is why you were sent another 5 quart unit as a replacement.
However, I do understand that you are not happy with the unit that you were sent. I have placed an order to have the 5070 Crock Pot that you requested sent out to you at no charge as a one time customer courtesy. You will receive your no charge replacement order within 6-8 business days and it will come by UPS.
We appreciate your business Janel and are happy to help if you have any further questions.

OooooKAY. 

In due time, the new one arrived, and it is the one I told them I wanted.  That's good, at least. 

I'm a bit less than happy with that "as a one time customer courtesy" which is code for "you're being uncooperative but we'll give it to you just this once to make you shut up". 

Less than happy that I had to basically yell just to get the one I had REPLACED, and not even "$50 coupon from kitchen store of your choice to make you feel better" which would have been more like it. 

Also, it can't really be replaced, because the one I had was made in USA, and this one's from China, and my kids have heard my opinion of painted glaze from China enough times that they don't want to eat anything cooked in it.  

crock-pot-new-2 5070

"Made in China"

 

Freezing Eggs in Ice Cube Trays

Today's chicken / kitchen tip, for those who might have too many homegrown eggs... and then too few  :-) 
It's convenient to freeze them by cracking them into ice cube trays.  Drop the white into one compartment and the yolk into another.  Once frozen, pop the egg-cubes out into a freezer bag for longer term storage.  And when you want to use one, you just have to take out one yolk cube and one white cube to thaw for a whole egg. 

frozen-eggs

My Blue Cheese Salad Bar

It was one of those days, you know the kind. Bothersome things that had to be done, nothing too awful, just a pileup of minor annoyances. I had to make a long transmission-related journey in the rain and hail-- made quite a bit better by one of the cheerfuller of the Brandenberg concerti coming on the radio-- that, and the happy expectation of going through a salad bar at some point in the day!

I found a pizza place near my destination and kept my hopes fixed on it like the distant star in the twilight. That was going to be the UP in the middle of the hail and the transmission. Then I picked up DH and found that although his plans did involve stopping for lunch somewhere, a pizza place wasn't what he had in mind.

He said we'd just take off back towards home and see where we ended up. I knew that left to himself he'd end up somewhere Chinese, so I made some phone calls while driving and found that the QFC next to the Safeway whose location I happened to know might have a salad bar.

First we went to the Safeway because he missed the "QFC next to the" part, and got all comfortably parked and didn't see why QFC's food would be any different from Safeway. I was gonna have to be sad if we didn't go to QFC! Then inside QFC I saw a bar in the distance, but it turned out to be an olive bar. A what??!

It was too late by then. DH ordered a roast beef sandwich and started eating it, while I wandered disconsolately up and down every single aisle in the store waiting for something to look good. I eventually got a cup of yogurt and sat down.

DH handed the last 1/4 of his sandwich to me. I pulled off the bread and roast beef and ate the lettuce, tomato and avocado. He said, "You just did that to amuse me, didn't you?"

No, I did it because I wanted a salad bar.

After that he decided we just had to go to the hardware store. THAT I happened to KNOW was right past a Top Foods where they have this EPIC salad bar that I just love. It's by the pound unfortunately, but I've gotten to be an expert at making a $4 salad.

The main reason I love a salad bar so much is because of the blue cheese dressing! DH won't let us buy blue cheese dressing any more because it's all made with soy. Not a single brand that I can find is made with anything but soybean oil.

I said I wanted to go by Top Foods, but he was all on about Costco and dinnertime and I don't know what all and he DROVE RIGHT BY the Top Foods exit. Then I started thinking seriously about crying. I do not care about dinnertime! Don't care what the kids want to eat! Do not want lamb chops! I just want what I want when I want it, is that too much to ask?

And then inspiration struck. "Blue cheese dressing" doesn't only come in jars. Buy some blue cheese and make it your own self!

salad-bar-blue-cheese salad-bar-with-blue-cheese-1

Tiny little chunk from Denmark for $4, or gigantic block from Costco for $4. There's various recipes on the internet, but the bottom line is blue cheese + mayo + sour cream + milk to consistency + blend. I can do that.

salad-bar-with-blue-cheese-4salad-bar-with-blue-cheese-5

I didn't just want a salad, I wanted a salad bar, and finally I got one, with everything I wanted on it, and there was happies in every bite :-)

Andrea said, "You're taking a picture of your plate to post it on your blog?"

Um, yes.

Honey Ice Cream

I was going to use all honey, but cheated just a bit because it's easier to mix the gelatin together with some sugar before trying to stir it into the cream.
They were out of cream the night before Thanksgiving, so I used half half-and-half and half milk. Came out splendiferously delicious anyway.

Ice Cream recipe:

1/2 cup sugar, mix with--
2 TBSP gelatin, stir into--
4 cups cream

Cook until just short of boiling

Beat 6 eggs in a separate bowl, then slowly drizzle the hot cream into the eggs while whisking them vigorously
(if you pour the eggs into the hot cream, you'll just get a pile of cooked eggs)

Cook two more minutes

Stir in--
1 cup honey
4 cups cream
3 TBSP vanilla

Pour into a shallow pan and freeze for an hour or two, then stir. Set a timer and stir more frequently as it hardens, until it's finally too stiff to stir.

We basically have to go to bed before it's ready and then eat it the next morning, or it doesn't last long enough to harden all the way :-)

This batch has already been got at, before it could even be photographed, as you see.

BTW that's a big pan of ice cream. It doesn't quite get across the sense of proportion, because it's a big spoon.

Chocolate Coconut Bars

It doesn't get any easier than this and DELICIOUS!!!

It was so easy because we cheated a little on the recipe  :-)
We didn't have any eggs, so we only baked the crust by itself in the oven, then mixed up cream cheese like for frosting, mixed in the coconut and spread it on there, then melted the chocolate in a pan.  It's not easy spreading melted choc chips on top of frosting so it looks a little messy  :-) 


Here's the original recipe:

Chocolate Coconut Bars

  • 1/2 cup butter, softened
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 1 cup flour
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 1/2 cup chopped pecans

Beat together butter and sugar
Add eggs and vanilla, mix well
Stir in flour and baking powder

Pour into greased 13x9 baking pan
  • 8 oz cream cheese, softened
  • 1/3 cup confectioners' sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 3/4 cup flaked coconut

In a small mixing bowl, beat the cream cheese, confectioners' sugar and egg until smooth; stir in coconut. Spread over crust.

Bake at 375° for 10-15 minutes or until cream cheese mixture is set.
  • 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
  • 1/4 cup chopped nuts

Immediately sprinkle with chips. Let stand for 5 minutes; spread melted chips over the top. Sprinkle with nuts. Cool completely before cutting.

Eggless, Milkless Peanut Butter Cookies

Those butt-ugly black chickens (Australorps don't stay cute for long) haven't started laying yet and I don't trust the cow milk not to be radioactive, so I quit buying it. 

I basically threw flour, butter, peanut butter and honey together with some baking powder and baked it, but I did take the trouble to measure as stuff went in!  Just in case I had a winner.  And I did!  They were great! 

1 and 1/3 sticks of butter (not cups)
3 and 2/3 cup wheat flour plus 1 cup barley flour that I found in a baggie
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 of a 36 oz jar peanut butter
1 and 1/4 cup honey

I scooped them from an old ice cream scoop that has its handle broken off but I still use for cookies because it still works better than two spoons, flattened them with my hand (they're for family) and baked at 400 for 6 minutes with the fan on. 
The fan does make a difference! 
And boy, that oven cooks better since I got it fixed.  Duh, right?  It's had a bad thermostat for like two years now and I was too cheap to get it fixed.  It would take forever to preheat, but I'd just turn on the broiler to speed things up and then it would limp through.  
It cost TWO HUNDRED BUCKS for the guy to come out, but I admit it's nice to have the cookies come out right again  :-)